Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My butt remains clenched, sir.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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