the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
