don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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