I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
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I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
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In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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