When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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