my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
cat food counts as protein by the way
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
