I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I CAN MOONWALK!
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
