Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
