Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
