fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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