i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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