what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
