Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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