Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
All I want is dick and wine.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
