I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
