i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
