Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
