What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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