Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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