so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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