How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
