you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
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You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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