Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
