Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
