my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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