Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
