It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
