Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
