dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
