She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
