I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
