It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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