Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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