we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
BRING THE BAGELS
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
