"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm like, not good at living.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
