Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
