plz talk dirty to me
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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