1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
