I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
