I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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