I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
