I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
