She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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