She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
