You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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