Me too!
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
