i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
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Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
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I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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