I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
