just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Do vagina's smell?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
