Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
