its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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