I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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