my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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