This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
