Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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