just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
