I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
