I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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