Please, let me fuck your mom
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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