is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
