We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
