we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he shaved USA in his pubs
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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