peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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