Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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